Happy Hump Days are here again, the day before Thanksgiving, or two days before countless numbers of older women will be needlessly trampled to death so somebody can get twenty-five bucks off a Nintendo. Ok, semi-needlessly. Still, during this season I mostly turn my thoughts to more pleasant feelings of gratitude and thanks for those special people in my life. The very special ones like Ewa Sonnet who ever so benevolent is pouring honey onto her bodacious bare bosom to celebrate the bounty of the earth. Or something like that.
Sure, there’s peace and tranquility and sustenance and familial bonds and other swell things to pay homage to this Thanksgiving. And I will. But ever so secretly whilst dining on tryptophan and gravy, I will be thinking of Ewa’s glorious rack and the real meaning of the holiday dedicated entirely to thanks. Huzzah!
Maybe in 2015 I’ll finally come to understand WTF this bottled water company is doing shooting hot models daily in bikinis, lingerie, or less, and not actually selling any water. It sounds like a sinister enough plan to meet sextastic ladies that I should have thought of it first. Oh, yeah, Bill’s Nekkid Water, come on, ladies, get into your Nekkid costumes and let’s promote the shizz out of the bottles I fill in my sink. It just might work, though my evil schemes do tend to fail at a rather astonishing rate.
The opposite of fail is the delicioous Kat Torres preening in her little black lace lingerie for the cameras. Water, vitamins, rabid pit bulls, I’d buy anything Kat Torres in silk and lace was selling. I have a hard time saying no to fully dressed women. This, well, just tell me what my order is and I’ll hand over my Discover card for a swiping. We are but lambs before the hottie slaughter. Enjoy.
Fresh off the heels of complaining about lack of privacy in her bikini twerking yacht trip, Katy Cocktease did a little holler back of her own by wearing a see-through skirt to the Aria Awards in Australia. I have no idea what the Aria Awards are for, but if the category is Hottest Pop Star in See-Through Skirt Whose Funbags We Are Dying to See, well, I hope Katy had her acceptance speech ready.
As usual, Katy was adorned in proper undergarments keeping us from seeing anything beyond the tease level. Still, not many tease quite as expertly or perhaps more frustratingly as Katy. How we’ve managed to maintain interest in yelling at her to show us her fine melons for five years straight is probably a testament to her enduring underlying allure. Most guys give up on girls after, oh, about five minutes of trying. Katy has that special something something that keeps you coming back to bang your head against the wall over and over again. That’s pure raw sextastic power, my friends. Enjoy.
Christina Milian is one underrated hero of mine. I like to think I’m one underrated hero of hers as well, though I doubt she’s leafing through photos today of me without my underpants on looking all kinds of distant and serious. Though it’s possible she is. I have sent her so many.
In this ‘We Are Pop Culture’ photoshoot, Christina Milian shows her true talents as a hot Latina who so often gets overlooked in ‘best of’ lists, but who every time we see her manages to layer in another sextastic set of poses, pokes, and pants-less bits of visual delight. She might be a handul. She might be two handfuls. All the better. Christina, you complete me. Or, you could totally complete me if only you allowed me five minutes of your time and a promise not to giggle. Enjoy.
I don’t know exactly what BodyLab is, but I’m going to guess it’s a not inexpensive formula for women to look like Jennifer Lopez in their 40′s. If only that kind of magical elixir really could be bottled. I’d probably mix some into my Yoohoo and vodkas in the evenings. But, alas, an asstatic and amazingly alluring body like Jennifer’s only can be granted directly from heaven. Though that didn’t stop BodyLab from paying Jennifer to look her darndest pimping their product. And she absolutely looks her darndest.
As Thanksgiving rolls around, it’s always a good time to ponder those things that mean the most to you in your life. Family, friends, well-being, bounty, and booty. In no particular order if it’s my list. J-Lo’s mighty Latina thumper, oh, that definitely blossoms forth from the cornucopia of my dreams. Enjoy.
As Playboy remakes itself in many different bold and boobtastic ways. you can expect to see much more of the natural naughtiness so many of you clamor for in your regular crayon-smudged letters to me. Less of the shiny happy inflated ladies perhaps, and more of supremely alluring models like Lindsay Jones. Oh, Lindsay, how you have started my engines, greased my rods, and insert other naughty sounding auto metaphor herein.
Gobble Gobble. One Week Free Playboy.TV For Being Super Pilgrim!
Our friends at PlayboyPlus are touting their latest Bunny creation, the sultry Ms. Jones, as the wave of the future. I’d do more than wave if Lindsay were part of my future, if you know what I mean. Whoa, baby hit me one more time. Just say the word, Lindsay, and I will empty my bank account, liquidate my stocks, and sell off all my holdings and we’ll see how far $172.57 can get two crazy horny young lovers in an Enterprise rent-a-car. I’m so so ready. Enjoy.
I could spend three hours mesmerized watching Jennifer Lawrence clip her toe nails. Not quite as exciting perhaps as seeing her slink around topless in photos I admit to nobody that I saw seventeen times over to date. The point is, Jennifer Lawrence is the ultimate girl next door. Only she doesn’t live next door to me. Gretta, the tranny wig model does. She’s less ultimate though I might say a very good foosball partner fill-in when money is on the line.
Jennifer Lawrence still works her craft, studies, and occasionally if we’re lucky, gets snapped at her acting school, continuing her education and making me wish I’d never dropped out of drama after six grade when Susan Klingman told me I smelled like burritos. That was my scent at the time, so not unexpected. I bet working romantic scenes would be much finer with Jennifer. She probably loves burritos too. We could make love for the classroom and receive an ‘A’ for getting lost in character, if not many laws of nature. Happy face. Sad face. Emote. Counter-emote. I’m good to go. Enjoy.